Lessons from "How To Get Kids To Listen" interviews

Honoring your child's agenda in order to get what you want

Why honoring your child's agenda makes getting them to cooperate with you much easier.

When your kids don't want to go to bed

How my son calmed me down and taught me a lesson about parenting

A simple act that changed our evening from bad to great.

How a tangled mess turned into a wonderful connection opportunity

How to build a deeper bond with your child in 10 minutes a day

An easy way to build a better relationship with your child, while at the same time making it more likely that they will cooperate with you when you need them to.

"I WANT MORE BROWNIES!"

Three steps to take when your child is very upset or throwing a tantrum.

From chaos to calm at the zoo

The three brain states, and how the state your brain is in affects how easy it is to get your children to cooperate.

How to stop your child's brain from shutting down when you speak to them

Why how you feel when you talk to your kids is so important for getting them to cooperate.

How to convince your child to take their medicine

Don't try to talk them out of their fear. Instead, show them that it is normal to feel that way.

Why you need to understand how your child views the world

"If you want your kids to listen to you, you start by understanding how they process information and what they prioritise."

Why your child ignores you

Let your kids be disappointed

Why letting your kids feel disappointment is important, and how to know when to be flexible.

The wrong way to eat ice cream

How to be a more flexible parent, avoid power struggles, and teach your kids how to make better decisions.

I'm a little ashamed to admit this...

Why consistent boundaries make your kids feel better, and what happens if your boundaries are not consistent.

How to find the joy in parenting again

Why routine and structure can help you find the joy in parenting again.

How to get your kids to stop playing and go to school

Some innovative and easy-to-implement strategies to make "transitions" easier.

It is never just about the lollipop

How to avoid power struggles by helping your kids feel seen and heard.

Why you shouldn't high-five a child

Why trying to force your children to cooperate with you just makes your life more difficult in the long term.

The "One Minute Miracle" technique to get kids to cooperate without fighting

A simple technique to help kids do what you want, by first acknowledging what's important to them.

The most important mindset shift parents need to make

Why you need to focus on developing a relationship of trust with your child instead of focusing on getting them to comply.

Why realistic expectations is the key to happiness

Why having realistic expectations of what your kids will do makes life easier for you.

How to turn one piece of apple into more

The 3 things children need so they want to listen.

Stop kicking your sister!

How to turn bad behavior into positive learning opportunities.

The four influences that determine how you interact with your children

A simple framework for understanding why you react the way you do when your children upset you.

The more you tell me to do it, the less I want to do it

How to prevent bad behavior before it even happens.

How I convinced my son to eat his veggies

How to "speak in your child's language" to make getting them to cooperate much easier (and more fun).

A confession about my daughter

A simple two-step technique for creating a deeper bond and connection with your children.

Don't Stop The Feeling

Why it is critical to let your child experience bad feelings.

Why kids will listen to you if you listen to them

How to reflect back and validate your child's emotions.

How to get your kid to want to follow house rules

How to work with your child to set in place house rules that everyone is happy with.

A simple technique to prevent power struggles with older children

A simple trick for getting kids to clean up after themselves, without having to yell or get into a power struggle with them.

Why bad behavior is good

How to turn your child's bad behavior into an opportunity for connection and teaching.

Understanding the nature of your child

Why understanding and honoring your child's true nature can make getting them to cooperate much easier.

Sick kids suck

A simple habit for building a stronger connection and relationship with your child every day.

Why humans dressed as bears are better than real bears

How to teach your child to deal with their negative emotions

A Roman Emperor's advice for parents

Why expecting too much from your kids sets you up for frustration.

Killer whale parenting tactics

What killer whales do when their kids fight.

What Barbie taught me about being a parent

Why being a parent is hard, and how to make it easier.

Yelling works...

The hidden cost of using threats or force to get your kids to comply.

When your kids are irritating

The main reason your kids are irritating you.

A parenting tip from the Godfather

A big reason why kids don't want to cooperate or do things to annoy you.

Dinner Time Drama

Why getting your child's attention before asking for their cooperation is critical.

How to improve your relationship with your child if you have no time

A simple habit for building a deeper connection with your child without spending any extra work or time.

A silent epidemic of family break-ups

Why using force or punishment to get your kids to cooperate leads to more bad behavior.

How to get strong-willed children to cooperate

The two keys to dealing with strong-willed or stubborn children without yelling or threats.

The good news about making mistakes

Why the mistakes you make as parent can be good for your kids.

Schrödinger's daughter

The better you become at listening to your child, the better they will become at listening to you...

A parenting confession

How to keep calm in the moment, instead of freaking out when your kids do something that upsets you.

The frustrations of being a parent

Why becoming better at dealing with your own frustrations is a big part of becoming a better parent.

"You are not a parent, you are a substitute frontal lobe"

Why you need to be realistic about what your child is actually capable of doing if you want to avoid frustration.

Killer whales on the loose

Why having control over your own emotions increases the chances that your kids will cooperate and listen.

The two steps to understanding your child

The most important thing to focus on to get kids (or adults) to listen and cooperate.

My daily "Finding Joy In My Kids" practice

How to delight in your children even when they are grumpy, tired, and needy.

Movie Night Fight

How to speak in the "language of your kids" to get them to listen to you.

Parenting advice from a marriage expert

The single most important thing you can do for your kids to help them develop emotional regulation.

BINGO was his name

A parenting expert's advice on what to do when your kids poke you until you explode.

The terrible tale of Tithonus

Why taking the pressure off works better to get your child to cooperate than nagging or threatening.

A key to successful parenting: Letting go of your agenda

Why understanding your child's perspective is crucial for peaceful parenting.

Fight for the right to vacuum

Why sometimes giving up is the best parenting strategy, and how your personality can affect your child's behavior.

How to have more child-driven conversations

How to create a better connection with your child using "child-driven conversations."

Becoming a stress detective

How to become an expert at figuring out the real causes of your child's behavior.

Why kids do what we do, not what we say

Why kids do what we do, not what we say, and why yelling or screaming at your kids will backfire in the long-term.

Rotten fish or valuable treasure

Why understanding the way your child views the world makes it easier to get them to cooperate.

Parenting using the 80/20 Rule

Drastically reduce your parenting frustration by identifying the most common problems proactively.

The day chocolate flooded the streets

Two things that motivate children, and how to use them to get your children to want to cooperate with you.

Saved by candy and wine

Why being prepared and proactive in your parenting makes it much easier to get your kids to cooperate.

How to ensure you always win

Why you need to prepare for your child misbehaving instead of just reacting when it happens.

Why you should let your kids make mistakes

Why sometimes the best approach when your child doesn't want to listen to you is just to let them experience the natural consequence of their action

My top 3 parenting myths

Three important myths about parenting that are simply not true (and what to do instead).

The worst pain in the world

How to avoid constant power struggles and give your child a sense of control using child-driven conversations.

Death of a Mantis

Why your job is not to make your kids feel better when they are sad...and why letting them experience negative emotions is important.

"To win without fighting is best"

A better alternative to "consequences" or "punishment" for getting your kids to listen to you.

Help, I'm stuck in a web of lies

Why kids speak in the language of play, and how you can learn to use playfulness to get your kids to cooperate.

How to get what you want

Why having control over your own emotions increases the chances that your kids will cooperate.

The Terminator vs. A Pothole

A two step system for teaching your kids to solve their own problems, and manage their own emotions.

Robot building delight

How finding things that delight you about your child can build trust, a better relationship, and make it easier to get them to cooperate.

PSA: Twinkies are not a survival food

The difference between intentional and unintentional parenting, and how to become more intentional with your parenting.

How to parent smarter instead of harder

How you and your child can get more value out of the time you already spend together - a way to parent smarter without working harder!

Snakes on a plane

Why staying calm when your kids upset you is so important. And tips from a parenting expert to turn anger into teachable moments.

From "Love Hotels" to Super Mario Bros

Why there is no “one-size-fits-all” parenting magic trick that works for all children, and how you can understand your child better.

Why yelling doesn't work (somewhat scientifically proven)

Why it is more important how you say something than what you say, and why your kids will focus on your tone of voice instead of your words.

A parenting lesson from a Roman emperor

Here's a better way to teach your kids good manners, by focusing on rewarding and demonstrating positive behavior.

Help! I'm surrounded by screaming plants

Why kids speak in the "language of play", and how you can learn to be speak their language...even if you are not feeling playful.

The Big Hole

How to work with your children, instead of against them.

Why the obvious answer is often wrong

Why the obvious way of getting your kids to cooperate often backfires and just makes the situation worse.

Why tantrums are just (bad) communication

How to re-frame your child's tantrums as an attempt at communication, and how that can lead you to help calm them down and understand them better.

The Mechanical Turk parenting principle

The most important first step to getting your kids to cooperate - without this there is no chance that they will listen to you.

How to use playfulness to get your child to cooperate

Why telling your child what to do creates resistance, and how to use playfulness to "side-step" this resistance and get them to cooperate.

Getting paid to do nothing

Why your job as a parent is to be a gardener, not a carpenter. And how accepting your child for who they are can lead to a deeper relationship.

How to speak the language of playfulness

Why learning to be more playful with your child can make it easier to get them to listen to you, and cooperate with what you want them to do.

Swimming in chocolate can be dangerous

Why you need to understand what your child is capable of. And how to reduce frustration and increase cooperation when dealing with you child.

Why learning to listen to your children helps them listen to you

How learning to really listen to what your child is saying and dropping your own agenda can deepen your connection with your child.

How to eat a plane

The two core emotional needs that every child has. And how to help them proactively fill those needs, so they don't end up fighting you for it.

How to get your kid out of the spa pool

Why sometimes the best solution to a problem is to just change the environment, instead of trying to convince your children to listen to you.

Nuking the moon to feel better

Why trying to control your child's emotions is futile, and how to instead use your "words as medicine" to calm them down...without telling them to calm down.

Finger-lickin' parenting

How to become a "stress detective" and use your child's emotional outbursts and tantrums as clues to understand them better.

How to get a "parenting superpower" (no radiation required)

A simple 4 part method to connect with your child, attune to their emotions, and get them to listen to you without having to shout or threaten.

"Parenting is a joyful, loving, wonderful, but hard gig"

Why you need to take care of yourself if you want to take care of your children. And how you can become better at managing your own emotions.

Preparing for a cyclone!

Why being proactive in your parenting is so important. And why kids do better when they feel better (and how to proactively help them feel better)

Why punishment doesn't work (even if it seems to)

What to do instead of using threats or punishment to get your children to listen. And the "hidden" negative effects of punishment.

The Alexa Incident

How to stay calm when your kid starts getting emotional. And the benefits of being able to stay calm under fire.

How to resolve a sibling fight without saying anything

What happens when you are able to "detach yourself from the outcome". And a simple trick that you can use to calm yourself.

"Bad news...I don't like you"

How to reframe bad behavior into useful information about what your child needs. And one question to ask yourself when your child behaves badly.

What to do when your son offers you a cockroach

How to connect with your children even if you are not interested in the same things. And the benefits of deeper connection with your children.

How to understand your child's actions better

Why you need to know what your child is capable of doing, as well as understanding. And how to better understand your child's personality.

3 parenting lessons from a psychiatry professor

Why parents should be gardeners instead of carpenters. And why your kids are not trying to upset you, even if you sometimes feel they are.

When your 3 year old is too busy to play...

Why "play" is the most important activity that your young child can do. And the difference between adult play and child play.

Use bacon flavored soda to get your kids to listen

The real reason it feels like your child often isn’t listening to you. And, how to get your child's attention, no yelling required.

Predictions for 2023 (from 100 years ago)

A technique for understanding your child better. And why understanding what your child is interested in helps increase their willingness to cooperate.

How to speak in the language of "play"

Why your child's language is "play". And how you can learn to speak this "language of play" to help get them to listen to you.

The Butterfly of Discord

Why you need to teach your children to sort out their own problems and disputes, instead of relying on you to resolve their fights.

Elephants vs Lions

Why you need to learn how to stay calm if you want your children to stay calm. And what not do to do when your child is upset or throwing a tantrum.

Are you still trying to "fix" your child?

Why it does not help trying to "fix" your child's bad behavior. And what you should rather focus on.

How to turn your anger into a teachable moment

Why you should not hide your negative emotions from your children. And why you getting mad or upset could be good for your children.

Could you handle having 14 kids?

Why guilt is the enemy of the effective parent. And how to deal with the guilt of making mistakes and struggling as a parent.