Using "anticipation" to make parenting much easier

When kids can anticipate what to expect - what the expectations are for a specific situation - then they become much more cooperative.

That's because kids thrive on predictability.

When they have predictability in their lives, it creates a sense of safety and security in them, meaning they are much more likely to listen to you when you ask them to do something instead of getting into a power struggle with you.

In my interview with Elisabeth Stitt, an author, parent educator, coach, and retired school teacher, we talk about how to anticipate problem times (like getting kids ready for school in the morning), and then develop plans in collaboration with your children to make things go easier and smoother.

How to Use Anticipation, Routines, and Checklists

1. Anticipation: Setting Your Child Up for Success

Anticipation involves planning ahead and preparing your child for what’s coming next. This strategy helps ease transitions and minimizes resistance.

"I really ask parents to take the time to review with kids what's going to happen, and what the expectations are going to be in a particular situation." — Elisabeth Stitt

For example, if mornings are a struggle, explain to your child ahead of time what the morning will look like:

• “In the morning, we’ll wake up, eat breakfast, and get dressed. Then, we’ll have some time to play before leaving for school IF everything is done.”

2. Routines: Using Predictability to Reduce Stress

Having consistent routines lays the groundwork for smoother transitions. Children are more likely to cooperate when they know what to expect.

"Let's say that we're going to set them up for success by having the same routine every morning." — Elisabeth Stitt

Create a checklist for your morning or evening routines and involve your child in making it. Scan common pitfalls and adjust accordingly. For instance:

• Morning Routine: Wake up → Brush teeth → Get dressed → Pack backpack

• Bedtime Routine: Put toys away → Take a bath → Read a book → Lights out

3. Checklists: A Simple Tool to Foster Independence

Checklists help children stay on track. They can visually see what needs to be done, which reduces the need for constant reminders.
"There's no reason why you can't write it out and post it on a whiteboard, and then the child who needs it can physically check it off every day." — Elisabeth Stitt

Adapt checklists based on your child's needs:

• Use pictures for younger children.

• Laminate the list so it can be reused daily.

And remember: Not every child might need a checklist, so adjust according to what works best for your family.

Tips for Effective Implementation

1. Involve Your Child in the Process:
   "I'm going to have a conversation with them as I'm making that list." — Elisabeth Stitt
   Let your child contribute their ideas for routines and transitions. Children are more likely to cooperate with a plan they helped create.

2. Give Warnings Before Transitions:
   Help your child prepare for a change by offering countdowns, like a “5-minute warning,” or set alarms with assistants like Siri or Google.
   "When the timer goes off or when Siri says it's time to go, we're going to stop what we're doing and clap three times." — Elisabeth Stitt

3. Use Playfulness Wherever Possible:
   Make it fun! Transitioning doesn't have to be a battle.
   "Are you going to fly to the front door, or are you going to be a tutu train to the front door?" — Elisabeth Stitt

4. Reevaluate When Things Don’t Go Well:
   "If it's still not going well, then it's a great opportunity to say, 'You know, our plan for getting out the door smoothly this morning didn't work as well as it could have worked. It needs some new ideas. What do you think?'" — Elisabeth Stitt

Common Problems or Mistakes

Mistake #1: Assuming One Size Fits All

"Lots of kids don't need [checklists], and I don't want to burden kids with things that they don't need." — Elisabeth Stitt
Your child might thrive on checklists, or they might simply need reminders. Adjust based on their personality.

Mistake #2: Overloading Your Schedule

"Be deliberate and clear about your boundaries for your family. That means limiting the number of activities and saying no." — Elisabeth Stitt
Trying to do too much can add unnecessary stress for both you and your child. Prioritize downtime.

Mistake #3: Doing Everything Yourself

Parents often fall into the trap of handling all the household tasks because it feels quicker. However, delegating will save time in the long run.
"My daughter made her own lunch when she was three, in as much as I would have made the elements of her lunch the night before." — Elisabeth Stitt

Action Steps

1. Identify Problem Times: Think about the moments during the day that frequently feel overwhelming, like mornings or bedtime.

2. Collaborate With Your Child: Involve them in creating solutions, even if it’s as simple as choosing the order of their tasks.

3. Build a Routine: Use consistent practices for smoother transitions.

4. Customize a Checklist: Design a checklist that fits your child’s abilities and preferences—for example, a morning or bedtime routine.

5. Revisit and Refine: When things don’t go as planned, discuss solutions with your child to improve the process.

Journaling / Reflection

Take time to reflect on the routines and strategies you’re using. Ask yourself:

• Which part of the day feels most stressful, and why?

• Are my current routines working, or do they need adjusting?

• How can I involve my child more in the process?

Keep a parenting journal to track which strategies are effective and where adjustments are needed.

Final Thoughts

Using anticipation, routines, and checklists is about more than getting through the day—it’s about building your child’s independence, fostering cooperation, and creating joyful moments together. As Elisabeth Stitt reminds us:
"There's more joy in the fact that your first ten interactions in the morning aren't you telling your kids what to do, because they're just doing them."

By putting structure and playfulness at the center of your parenting approach, you create an environment where your child feels empowered, your stress decreases, and your family life becomes more harmonious.

Ready to take action? Start small this week—create a simple routine or try incorporating a playful strategy during transitions. You'll see the difference in no time!