Cooperation Secret #2: Your Child Can't Listen If You Don't Speak Their Language

"When kids don’t listen, it’s not because they’re ignoring you—it’s because you’re speaking the wrong language."

One of the greatest cooperation secrets I learned is this simple truth: Speak your child’s language, and cooperation follows.

If you want your kids to cooperate with you without threats or yelling, then you need to meet them where they are, not try to force them to meet you where you are.

Here's how meet your child in their world

First, you need to understand that children view the world through two "lenses," play and emotions.

These are the languages of childhood, and the better you get at speaking these "languages," the easier your kids' will cooperate with you.

When I spoke to Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, he explained:

These are the two natural languages of childhood. Play and emotions. And, as grown ups, we forget about those languages. We learn this new language. Now, it's all logical, supposedly, and adult like. But we need to relearn, and as parents, we have a chance that we can relearn those languages of childhood.

Dr. Lawrence Cohen

Try this next time you want your child to cooperate

Instead of shouting and commanding, “Put on your jacket on now!”… try picking up the jacket and making it “talk” in a funny voice, like saying, “Oh no! It’s so cold out here! Please give me a warm body to snuggle.”

Suddenly, their imagination is engaged—they’re excited to cooperate, because it is fun and interesting, and it’s no longer a fight.

Whether it’s becoming a construction vehicle to climb stairs, pretending dinner veggies are begging not to be eaten, or turning cleanup time into a race against an imaginary timer, play transforms power struggles into moments of connection and laughter.

The surprising benefits of play...

But play does more than encourage cooperation—it builds your child's creativity, strengthens your connection with them, and teaches them lifelong social-emotional skills.

In fact, a few years ago, the Scottish Government published a study on the importance of play called The Power of Play.

They found that "A growing body of evidence supports the view that playing, throughout childhood, is not only an innate behaviour but also contributes to children’s quality of life, their well-being and their physical, social, emotional and cognitive development."

In the study, they found that regular play has many important benefits to kids: language development, the ability to solve problems, creativity, physical ability, fine motor skills, social development, and overall emotional well-being.

When you turn mundane tasks into lighthearted, playful moments, you aren’t just getting your kids to cooperate—you’re bonding with them, creating memories, and teaching them that life doesn’t always have to be serious.

“If you can make it a game, you’ve already won.”

Once you learn how to speak your child's language, and use play to make them want to cooperate with you, parenting becomes so much easier and fun.

But, and as a parent you know this, there is no such thing as perfect.

Because things will go wrong sometimes. You kids will throw tantrums. You'll lose your cool and shout or threaten "No more TV ever!"

The truth is that everyone makes mistakes, and things go bad sometimes, because parenting is hard. Very hard. Probably one of the hardest things.

That's why the next secret is so important...a simple mindset shift that can transform the way you see yourself and your child, turning towards hope and growth, and open a path to building a connection with your child based on trust and respect instead of fear and deceit.