How to parent smarter, not harder using "Golden Time"

Golden Time is a technique that you can use to connect with your kids, and proactively meet their needs for attention and control.

It is a way of spending special time with your child that helps them feel loved, gives them attention, and helps them feel in control.

What makes this technique different than just spending time with your kids is that you follow certain steps to make it a special occasion, to create a daily ritual that not only brings you closer to each other, but also helps meet your child’s emotional needs for power and attention. Doing this regularly will proactively reduce negative behaviors and make getting your child to cooperate much easier.

In my interview with Tia Slightham, a parenting coach and best-selling author, she shares the 5 key ingredients of Golden Time, and also some simple secrets to getting the most value out of the Golden Time.

Tia also shares more tips for how to parent "smarter, not harder", and how to reduce the amount of parenting work you need to do.

What is Golden Time?

Golden Time is a dedicated 10-minute, twice-a-day session where you focus your attention entirely on your child, allowing them to feel emotionally fulfilled and connected with you. It is a way to get more value out of the time you already spend with your child, to build a sense of strong connection and trust.

“Golden Time is super simple. It really takes 10 minutes a day. That’s it.” — Tia Slightham

Key Benefits of Golden Time

• Encourages Listening & Cooperation: "Kids are going to do much better when they feel better." By investing in frequent positive and connected moments, your kids become more inclined to listen and cooperate without reminders or force.

• Prevents Power Struggles: Tia shares "If we fill our kids’ buckets first, they don’t have to fight to fill them." By meeting emotional needs proactively, children are less likely to fight you to gain attention or control.

• Boosts Parent-Child Connection: Golden Time fosters a greater sense of bonding between you and your child by showing them that they are valued and understood.

The Five Key Ingredients for Successful Golden Time

To ensure Golden Time is effective, there are 5 important steps:

1. Name It: Give the time a special name, such as "Golden Time," so your child knows exactly when it’s their allocated time with you.

   "One of the key ingredients is that it has a name, so we want to make sure that you name it."

2. Twice a Day for 10 Minutes: Aim for two 10-minute sessions daily to maintain consistency and fill your child’s attention and power buckets.

   Tip: Bedtime often serves as the perfect opportunity for one of these sessions.

3. Child’s Choice: Let your child choose the activity during Golden Time. This gives them a sense of power and control, which are essential to feeling emotionally fulfilled.

   "Do something your child loves. Give them the choice to choose something they love."

4. Unplugged: Put away your phones and distractions to give your full, undivided attention during Golden Time.

   "Role model that you are going to actively listen to them and connect with them... Focus on that one-on-one time."

5. One-on-One: Try to spend Golden Time with only one child at a time to create meaningful connections.

How to Get Started with Golden Time

Step-by-step Guide:

1. Identify Daily Time Slots: The first step is identifying times during your day when you’re already with your child, like right after breakfast or during bedtime. Use these moments to introduce Golden Time without adding work to your schedule.

2. Explain to Your Child: Introduce Golden Time to your child by explaining that they will have special 1-on-1 time with you each day. This sets the tone and builds anticipation.

3. Create a Calendar: Help your child visualize their special time by setting up a calendar where Golden Time is marked.

   Tip: Include a morning and evening session, and rotating time when there’s more than one child.

4. Make a List: Sit down with your child and write out a list of activities they enjoy. This shows them their preferences matter and makes it easier to choose activities during Golden Time. –

   Tip: Use shorter activities (e.g., pretend shaving or smoothie prep) for weekdays and longer ones (e.g., baking a cake) for weekends.

5. Timer for Siblings: With multiple children, set up a timer to remind everyone when it is one child’s Golden Time. Once the timer rings, it is the sibling’s turn.

What to do if you have more than one child:

Tia explains that for parents with more than one child, proactive time management is essential. She suggests setting clear boundaries up front and creating a visual system (like a calendar or timer) that shows each child their designated Golden Time.

"It’s really about time management, and proactively setting the stage for success."

Avoid These Common Mistakes

According to Tia, there are a few mistakes parents often make when implementing Golden Time:

• No Threats or Punishments: Avoid using Golden Time as leverage or threatening to remove it as a punishment.

  "Don’t say, 'No getting ready for school, then no Golden Time.' That will backfire. We want our kids to feel better, to do better."

• Stay Consistent: Once Golden Time is started, commit to consistency.

  Tip: If you skip a session, just make sure to restart the next day without guilt.

FAQ about Golden Time

Q: What if I don’t have a full 10 minutes multiple times a day?
A: The key is labeling existing bonding moments (like bedtime routines) as Golden Time. This way, you're using time you already spend with your child to maximum benefit.

Q: My partner isn’t on board. Can Golden Time still be effective?
A: Absolutely! Tia reassures parents not to worry if their partner is not involved. Even one parent consistently practicing Golden Time will deliver noticeable results.

"If only one parent does it, if one parent makes changes, you’re going to have results."

Q: Can Golden Time be done outside the house?
A: While most Golden Time activities should be convenient and easy, there’s no harm in doing weekend activities like going to the park. Just keep everyday sessions focused on simple, accessible activities.

Action Steps for Today

Try to do these things today:

1. Identify Daily Time: Name the existing time you already spend with your child (e.g., on the way to school) as Golden Time, and sit with your child and think of ways to make it more special.

2. Create a Calendar: Mark down some times for Golden Time in your calendar. See them as important appointments you have with your kids, just like you'd do with an adult.

3. Sit and Make a List: Brainstorm with your child about activities they would love to do with you during Golden Time.

By taking these simple, proactive steps, you can "parent smarter, not harder," transforming daily moments into meaningful connections that make your child feel loved, heard, and emotionally fulfilled.

Final Thoughts

Golden Time is a powerful parenting tool, not because it demands extra time and effort, but because it enhances and maximizes the time you’re already spending. With consistent practice, it addresses underlying emotional needs your children have, which reduces power struggles, and strengthens your relationship with your children.

This is an incredibly powerful tool, not just for better cooperation, but also for more fulfilling parenting and better relationship with your kids. As Tia said:

"Kids are going to love it if you set it up properly. With one week of consistency, you’re going to see major returns in better listening and cooperation."

Tia Slightham