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Killer whale parenting tactics

What killer whales do when their kids fight.

This morning, I read that scientists recently discovered how killer whale moms help their children stay out of fights.

Killer whale moms are known to be very protective of their children, often catching and sharing fish with their families.

But orca scientists have now discovered that killer whale moms also protect their children by mediating fights between them.

They found that when their children start fighting, killer whale moms take on a "policing" role, acting as mediators to resolve any potential fights before they become physical.

Now, I was reading this just after having to restrain my 4 year old daughter from attacking my 6 year old son because he had snatched her pen, then trying to mediate a discussion between them so that they could make peace.

So finding out that even killer whale moms deal with the same problem made me feel much better.

Because the thing is, parenting can often feel like a very lonely job.

It can feel like everyone else has it figured out, that you are the only one struggling.

But here's the truth - everyone struggles. Everyone makes mistakes. Being a parent is difficult.

When I spoke to Lisa Smith, the author of The Angry Parent: How to Find Peace in Your Parenting Through the Message of Anger and the host of the Real World Peaceful Parenting podcast, she said:

Know that you’re not alone. I know that before I got on my path to peaceful parenting, I felt very alone. I felt like I was the only parent screwing up. I was the only parent yelling at my kid. I felt a lot of shame and guilt and when I went around and tried to ask other people in my circle, no one seemed to be struggling with the things I was struggling with. So that just intensified my shame and my guilt and gave me evidence that I was alone.

I work hard to get the word out that no matter what you’re doing, and no matter where you’re at, you are not alone.

And the first step is just to ask for help. Just have hope. Tell yourself “I’m not alone,” and go find some resources to prove that, so that you can get away from the guilt and shame. I always say guilt is the enemy of the effective parent. It’s hard to transform if you’re marinating in guilt.

If you feel guilty about the parenting mistakes you made, then you need to understand that you are not alone. Everyone makes mistakes.

But here's the key: once you realize what you struggle with, find help with those problems. Instead of "marinating in guilt", get out of guilt by taking actions to become better.

In my interview with Lisa, we also discuss the real reason it feels like your child often isn’t listening to you, and her four step system for getting kids to listen without yelling.

Lisa also explains why it is critical that you understand what your child is actually capable of doing and understanding before expecting them to behave in ways they simply can't yet.

You can find the full interview with Lisa Smith - The four steps to getting your kids to listen without yelling - in our ebook How To Get Kids To Listen, available for free download here.