Expert Parenting Advice
Practical parenting tips and advice from experts around the world

How to get a "parenting superpower" (no radiation required)

A simple 4 part method to connect with your child, attune to their emotions, and get them to listen to you without having to shout or threaten.

This morning I read an article about Atomic Gardening.

Apparently, people in the 1950's started using gamma radiation to expose plants to high levels of radiation. These plants were then mutated by the radiation, leading to new species and variations of existing plants - over 2000 new types of plants were developed using this technique.

At one point, you could even buy irradiated seeds that you could plant in your own garden, and then develop your own mutant plants!

It is like a real life Spiderman story, where Peter Parker gained superpowers by being bitten by a radioactive spider.

Imagine if you could order radioactive spiders, that could give you various superpowers if they bit you.

Would you do it?

Luckily there is an easier way to get "parenting superpowers."

I recently interviewed Jennifer Kolari, one of the US’s leading parenting experts and the founder of Connected Parenting, for my book "How To Get Kids To Listen".

During the interview, she shared a method she developed to allow parents to calm down children, increase cooperation, and deeply connect with their children.

She calls this the C.A.L.M. technique, and here is how she describes it:

I think the number one thing would be our pillar technique at Connected Parenting, which is the C.A.L.M. Technique. This is the ability to mirror, to deeply attune to what your child is feeling, and to work very hard to understand what they're saying and what they're feeling, instead of trying to convince them that you're right.

So, it's basically using language and words as medicine. And then when you're able to do that, what happens is oxytocin and opiates and natural endorphins, flood the brain, biochemically calming your child down, and moving them towards healthy compliance.

Jennifer Kolari

According to Jennifer, using this four part process allows you to calm down your child and get them to cooperate, 95% of the time. She says, "It's like a superpower. It's a parenting superpower."

In the full interview, Jennifer described each of the steps of the C.A.L.M. process, as well as an example of how you can use this method to help your child get ready in the morning for school.

She also shared two additional methods for getting kids to listen, which she calls "Front Loading" and "Stay In Motion".

I've started using all three these methods, and they work incredibly well to get my kids to work with me, instead of against me, without requiring me to yell or threaten.

You can find the full interview with Jennifer Kolari - How use the “C.A.L.M. Technique” to turn your language and words into “medicine” that calms your child and helps them cooperate - here.

Talk soon

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