A simple technique to prevent power struggles with older children
A simple trick for getting kids to clean up after themselves, without having to yell or get into a power struggle with them.
Recently, I've been struggling a lot with trying to get my kids to clean the living room in the evenings.
The problem is that after dinner, when I am at my lowest energy level of the day, they seem to get an energy boost. They play, fight, jump, scream, and just generally freak out for about an hour.
When they are done, the house is a mess.
They are full of energy right up to the moment it is time to clean. Then, suddenly, they are "too tired" to do anything.
"I'm too tired, I can't even walk," my 6-year-old son cries dramatically as he commando crawls around on the floor. "How can I clean if I can't walk!"
Frustrated, I get mad and shout at them to clean up. When that doesn't work, I just end up grumpily doing the cleaning myself.
But tonight, while grumbling to myself as I cleaned up their crafting mess, I remembered something that Anna Seewald shared with me during our interview for our book How To Get Kids To Listen.
Anna Seewald is an internationally recognized parenting expert, keynote speaker, parent educator, and the host of the top-rated podcast Authentic Parenting.
In our interview, we spoke about why listening to your children helps them listen to you.
Anna shared lots of advice about how you can become better at listening, and how often when we feel that our kids don't listen to us, it is actually because we are not really listening to them.
She also explained why it is important to show your child that you are genuinely listening to them, and what happens if we do this consistently.
But, I remembered that she also shared a special bonus, something very relevant to my current situation.
You see, right at the end of our interview, Anna shared a simple trick for getting kids to clean up after themselves, without having to yell or get into a power struggle with them.
This trick works because it gives your child a sense of control over their situation, which is such an important need for all children.
Relinquish control, honor the child’s autonomy, and have faith that your child will do it.
Anna Seewald